I can't stop listening to "Live Like Were Dyin" - Kris Allen
I've realized recently that I don't particularly believe in myself. Just from experiences I've had and beliefs about myelf that seem to be set in concrete. I see people who are so passionate and driven. They want music to be their life- fame or not- or know they live to serve the world and will go into the Peace Corp. and become a diplomat. I have no goals. No dreams. I used to, but they are gone. There is only one thing I know that I want in life- to be content.
I am just very confused right now. I have no clue what I want to do with my life, how I want to live it, or how I'm going to get there. I haven't even chosen a major, which is why I won't go back to school in the fall. I'm just all over the place. I like random things and have some talent but not one or a few that I really love or am great at. I like history but what do you do with that? Same goes for political science. I like to write but there is NO way I'll be an english major. I love to play guitar but my hands are too small to play certain chords so I can't go pro lol. I had chosen a program, fitness trainer and to lead to physical therapy- but I dropped it because it would've added another year to schooling and I'd have to take a bunch of math. Did I mention I hate school? Time to get a degree is a deterant and no, I don't want to be a teacher. I love to sing but I don't know if I really believe others when they say I'm good. I like acting but won't push myself because I'd tell you I'm too short, not pretty enough, not good enough, etc. I'm helping a friend along with her modeling/acting career and my dad asked why I dont put that kind of work in for me. That kind of industry I can't help but think it's kind of a waste of money when people die everyday because they don't have enough food. Plus, I always have my mom in the back of my head saying it's kinda shallow and there's so much more I could do. Exactly why I'm hesitant to go into cosmotelogy- Don't I want to help people or have a more meaningful life than just affecting someones hair?
I know- I'm young, I have plenty of time, nobody has it figured out. Well I don't want to waste my life right now or wake up in ten years and wonder why I haven't done anything. I've been having a midlife crisis since I was ten lol.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I didn't know you had a blog, It is quite late at night over here but I just had to let you know, I know how you feel, I have felt it for such a long time. I am thirty five years now and although I had a vocation as a Cosmotologist, I let it go. I really wish I had the answer for you but what I can say is this do it because you love too, It does not matter what you choose as a career in life, Your purpose is not in what you do as the world would have us believe, It is in who you are, it matters not what you choose to do that is for you to decide. God will bring people to you no matter what your profession, be it a Janitor, Nurse or a Make-up artist. Don't think to much, you might physc yourself out. I have just recently got on a bike after years of incresing uneasiness to be on one, When I am on the bike and I start to think I wobble and I begin to falter, but if I look around and enjoy nature and forget I am biking. I ride as if I knew how my whole life. Choose to do, and do remember a expert usually is not an expert over night, < that has taken my whole life to relize. Lot's of luck on your chosen future!
ReplyDeleteChrissie